(08-24-2010, 01:24 AM)derMauersegler Wrote: Hyde and Kaz, sitting in a tree...
R-O-C-K-I-N-G
First comes biting, then comes hookers
The orgy doesn't seem to have an end until some mysterious shadow comes around the corner, all dressed in black. Hyde kicks K.A.Z in the side and says: "Holy shit, it's...
Ju-ken!!!!"
He points at Kaz, paying absolutely no attention to Hyde. "What's cookin', good lookin'?"
"Cookin'? Fish of course." K.A.Z says innocently. Hyde lays a hand on K.A.Z' shoulder, looks at Juken and says with raised eyebrows:
"Bring me the cheese."
"Pleaaase???" Juken asks and shakes his head. "Come on, Hyde, you know what I want."
"Just kiddin'." Hyde says and adds:
The beer is right over there. Go and help yourself.
Juken grins and raises his fist. "Yeah!" Then he jumps up and lands smoothly on a branch of the tree.
Kaz had a huge grin on his face and lifted a mug of Sapporo Beer. "KANPAIIIII!"
"So where are Jin and Ari, the S... erm... forget it." Juken asks.
"They went to find Candy Mountain," said KAZ, "But they haven't come back in awhile... I'm starting to wonder what happened to them!"
Meanwhile in Candy Mountain, the rest of the boys were being annoyed to death by two blue and pink unicorns that talked in-sync and repeated their names over and over again while they would cross bridges.
"Aaaaarrrrrrriiii," chanted the blue unicorn, "Let's find Candy Mountain, it's filled with sweet and sugary goodness!" The drummer got agitated with the unicorn, want to get his drumsticks and shove them up its... ear.
Arimatsu began whispering to Jin. "How hard is it to find a damn tree?! It's got two people in it, it shouldn't be too hard!" the drummer whispered angrily.
Meanwhile back in the tree... "Maybe they got lost." Hyde said with a worried voice and got up with a start. "I will saaaaave yoooouuuu!"
But first I must remove my underwear.
KAZ's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. "Umm..." he managed to say, "Hyde, I... I think that's unnecessary!"
Hyde turned his head to him and grinned. "You virgin! There is a good reason why I am doing that." K.A.Z stared at Hyde with a puzzled expression. "And the reason is... what?"
"I can sell it on the auctions for more money that we make performing. Then we can travel to the French Riviera.....just you and I, my love."
K.A.Z scratched his head and cleared his throat. "Didn't you want to save Jin and Ari a few seconds ago? Are you alright?" Juken took Hyde's head in his hands and checked Hyde's pupils. "Oh-oh..." Juken said. "That's a serious case of..."
Juken blinked, and suddenly seemed to remember himself. "What am I talking about? I'm no doctor." He touched his hand to his head and decided to have himself a bit of a sitdown, looking a bit pale and dazed.
K.A.Z stepped forward and cleared his throat, looking very authoritative. "Well, it's a good thing I'm a doctor and can tell you without question that you both have Mortruvian Wisteria Syndrome."
Incredulous glances are shared between Hyde and Juken as each silently questions the validity of K.A.Z.'s claim. But no more can be said because, SUDDENLY.......
Ari and Jin come swooping in on the back of a genuine Hypogriff!! WTF?? HYDE, K.A.Z. and Ju-ken yell, falling to the ground in a mix of fear, admiration and astonished laughter because Ari is "driving" with crazy goggles and an old samurai helmet on and Jin is waving bags of what LOOKS TO BE........
Dodo eggs. "What is going on here?" questioned
Ju-ken. His face looked almost green meanhwile. "Are you cosplaying Harry Potter?"
"Oh cool! I want to be McGonagall! By all means!" said Hyde. "As long as I get to be Harry once again. Does anyone have a broom? If you remember, I can do this part very well."
"What do you mean you never saw that video? It was all over YouTube!!!!"
"I guess I can use K.A.Z's fishing rod then".
K.A.Z looks horrified and has visions of wood splinters everywhere. "You don't touch my fishing rod!" he yells at Hyde. "You can have everything from me but not my fishing rod! It's my... my... my... PRECIOUSSSSS!!!"
"Anything?" questions Hyde with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You mean even your......."
"Hyde, don't go any further!" Ju-ken interrupts him and pulls Hyde's head away from K.A.Z' ear. K.A.Z still mumbles "Preciousss! Preciousss! Preciousss!" and holds his fishing rod tight that he conjured up from nobody knows where. Hyde growls: "Ju-ken, you...
"interfering bastard! I almost had his fishing secret out of him! How else can he catch so many fish without having a secret about it? Next time mind your own damn business. Go ride your motorcycle or something," grumbled Hyde and he stomped off to
collect parts for assembling his broom while K.A.Z carefully let go of his fishing rod and hid it under a heap of leaves. After a short while Hyde held his finished broom in his hand and climbed back on the tree. "I will call my broom REVOLUTION because it can transport me to any place I like. Any-place-I-like!" Hyde let out a devlish laughter and climbed higher and higher until he reached the top of the tree. "Don't do it, Hyde!" Ju-ken yelled when he saw that Hyde mounted his broom and looked like he would jump from the tree any minute. "That thing is fuckin' high!!!" K.A.Z turned pale and positioned himself under the tree with his arms wide open. "Holy shit." Ari muttered and kicked his hippogriff. "Fly after him, honey!" Right at that moment Hyde closed his eyes and kicked off.
"I dive all the time at concerts," he yelled. "This is no different. I know that I can fly!" As the air whoosed past him, Hyde's courage fell. He realized how high up in the air he was and that his broom obviously flew at around 125 miles per hour. It felt like riding on a rocket without a safety belt. "Heeelp meee!!!" His voice was fading in the distance. Everybody stared after him. Ari's hippogriff was much to slow to keep up with him. "What do we do now???" K.A.Z asked.
They looked at each other puzzled for a minute until, all at once, they seemed to arrive at the same conclusion simultaneously. Each reached into their pocket, withdrawing their favorite cigarette and lighter of choice. As if rehearsed, they all lit their cigarettes in unison and took long, contemplative drags, meditating on the circling swirls of smoke as their only possible course of action in a world gone mad.
They stood there for endless moments until they heard an inhuman scream from very far away. "That w-w-wasn't Hyde, was it?"" K.A.Z stammered and let his cigarette drop to the ground. "No, definitely not." Ju-ken whispered and deeply inhaled. "That must be someone Hyde hit. Holy shit..." "But who else was there in the air?" Jin wondered. "It wasn't the hippogriff." Ari added. "But then who was it...?"
The answer to their question landed at their feet with a thud. "J!", they cried in unison. "What are you doing here,dude?"
J stands up and brushes himself off. "I can smell K.A.Z's fish cooking from miles away. That crazy Hyde almost did me in though. What the hell is he up to now?"
"My fish!", wailed K.A.Z as he turned to the fireplace where a few of his fishes on sticks had already turned black. "Oh my god, Ponyo will kill me when she hears how disrespectful I treated her dead buddies. Oh dear, what do I do now!" K.A.Z was close to tears. The others exchanged embarassed looks. "Erm, look... K.A.Z..." J cleared his throat. "We really should check on Hyde now. He is still flyin' around up there." he said matter-of-factly. "Anybody got a lasso or somethin'? Or does anybody know somebody or somethin' that can fly after him?" K.A.Z looked up from his charred fish with red eyes. "Maybe we could ask a va-va-vampire?" he suggested in a thin voice.
Suddenly, a little child with chubby cheeks and a smug-yet-innocent smile on his face floated down slowly towards everyone else. He came out of nowhere, but in a way, was godly. He was playing the ukelele and singing "The Vampire Song" from the movie, Juno. The rest looked in awe, as the boy began to grow taller and taller while he was playing. Soon he transformed into a slender teenager, then into a muscular adult. His angelic voice transformed into that of a sonorous bass and his innocence faded away from his face. All of a sudden he stopped playing and threw the ukulele behind his back where it crashed with an ugly sound. "WHO called me?" he asked in a dangerously cold voice. His steel blue eyes were scanning everybody from head to toe until Ju-ken jumped up and shook his fist at the smug bastard saying,"WTF Gackt??? we're in need of a REAL vampire's skills, not some smartypants age-progression show-off! Hyde is in TROUBLE!"
Gacky squinted his eerily blue glowing eyes and said:
"The hell with Hyde. I smell fish cooking. When is dinner? Feed me first, entertain me, tell me a few dirty jokes, and then I'll help you get Hyde back. Besides he can tell me then why he named your feeble band "Vamps", because I - do you hear me - I am the vampire here, not him. Ju-ken, and don't you think you can offend me like that just because you had the honor to be in GacktJOB. I AM a vampire, a robot and the incarnation of Uesugi Kenshin at the same time. Don't you ever forget that. Now feed me. And I MEAN feed me. I don't want to make my hands dirty. Ka-zu-hi-to? Would you please." he demanded in a tone that allowed no protest. Behind his back, J pointed his finger to his head and whispered dryly:
"the botox has petrified his brain"
Ari and Jin sniggered behind their hands, but all of the plastic that had been used to re-sculpt Gackt's features also allowed him to function somewhat like a sonar disc. he quickly whipped around, making sure his kenshin costume billowed out behind him fetchingly, and fixed both men with a piercing blue glare before he revealed that he was wearing no underwear. Ju-ken's eyes bugged and Ari stumbled back a few steps gasping for air. "NOW", swaggered Gackt, "You see why I don't have to wear a bra on my head to impress the fangirls. Plus true vampires would suck necks while surfing the crowd. You are all so lame. Honestly K.A.Z you should have partnered with me. I know that if VAMPS was my band then you all wouldn't need to worry about nice ladies and blood donors for your whole life anymore. You could bathe in seas of blood! Bathe! Just like back in those good old Illuminati days." He smiled derisively. "Now where's that weird hippogriff of yours, I will speed him up a little to catch our little darling up there..." The hippogriff that stood beside the tree started to shiver when he saw Gackt approaching. "Come here, little beastie..." he hummed darkly. Within seconds Gackt pierced his fangs into the hippogriff's throat, drank a few quick gulps, drew his teeth back again and jumped on the animal's back with a blood smeared mouth. "That's how you do it. And don't you ever doubt again I am a vampire. Understood?" Gackt was kicking the hippogriff violently with his boots when suddenly a whimpering Hyde flew by again on his broom. When Gackt stared up to him a full load of vomit came down on his freshly styled hair, ran over his face and finally over his new D&G shirt. For a few seconds there was only silence. Then Hyde swooped down and landed with a thump in front of a dripping Gackt.
"So", questioned Hyde, "you think that you are the only true vampire in the world? Well, let me inform you of a few facts, my perverted friend. It is I, Hyde, who is the vampire king! How many bloody lives have you performed lately? How many top 100 lists has your name been on? You talk of fangs....yet have you seen mine? Shall we have a contest? You cannot even keep your bass player loyal to you. He is now mine!"
Gackt spun around and glared at Ju-ken who threw up his hands in defense.
"Wait!" commanded Hyde. "You don't even know the best part. Ju-ken told me you had no real victims for ages. Every few days you are in the hospital to get your bottles of blood intravenously and..."
"Liar!!!" Gackt fumed with rage and ripped off his dirty shirt. Meanwhile the smell started to turn his stomach over. "Your lies, Ju-ken, are as dirty as this shirt here!!!" He stormed at Ju-ken, grabbed him at his hair and started to press the stinking shirt into his face when Ju-ken whipped around with his super awesome bassist-ninja skills, dodged Gackt's hand, and kicked him in the balls. "DAMMIT!" yelled Gackt. He continued to roll around on the ground grabbing "Magnum" in his hands, even though he had planned to rip Ju-ken into pieces he had forgotten how many kickboxing lessons he had given him himself and hadn't taken enough care to defend himself. Now K.A.Z came up to him with a bucket full of water. "Sorry, but nobody can smell my delicious fish anymore because of that disgusting mixture of Platinum Egoiste and Hyde's vomit." he said and poured the water all over Gackt's head. He looked so miserable now that Hyde started to pity him, but when K.A.Z suddenly said: "Let's play Kyuketsu now." he forgot about the misery that Gackt was in.
"Yes!", Hyde screamed. "Let's show this damn bastard how it should be done!! We shall demonstrate the true dark forces of vampire's musical abilities here and now with all of the trimmings. You have heard this one, neh?"
Gackt numbly shook his head no.
"What?", Hyde was starting to turn purple with rage. "How can you lie there dripping wet and proclaim innocence? How can you ignore that because of us and our creative Vampire songs everybody started to LOVE Vampires, LOVE! You MUST know Kyuketsu!!! It's epic, it will make history, it..."
"Hyde..." Gackt growled. "I bit that stupid hippogriff - which tasted awful by the way - because I wanted to save your fucking life. You could have died falling down that silly Revolution broom of yours. And what do I get? You vomit on my head, K.A.Z throws his smelly fish water in my face and you ask me if I know your latest pubertal Vampire song?" Slowly Gackt got up and walked up to Hyde with a dangerous smile. "You are no real vampire, my little friend. Show me your teeth!" Gackt grabbed for Hyde's chin and
HYDE grinned hugely and said, "wanna see some fangs, eh? i can show you fangs, and not just me. see, i didn't just pull K.A.Z. over with me, but ALL of us, Gacchan.didn't you watch our great animated VAMPS TALES2 video? do you think we just make this shit up? heh! i wouldn't be trying to pull your smarmy old vampire shit around this fish camp, ....if i were you that is. XDXD ...and whaddya mean you bit Petunia H Hypogriff, you ass?!!" (i named her by the way. ^_^ said Ju-ken) so saying HYDE and his mates bared their teeth and very long and pointy fangs appeared. Gackt jumped back with a cry, "then why was K.A.Z. saying he needed a vampire to save you??!!"
HYDE wrapped an arm around Gackt's drooping shoulders, drooping very low, of course to be accessible to the chibi-ish vampire. "ah, that is very simple, my old friend,..."
"Why should K.A.Z have taken the risk to collide with my broom? I mean, even Vampires get hurt, don't they. So... why not call for some other vampire who would immediately come when he heard that his... beloved old friend is in danger. Ne!" he said with a mischievous smile. "And I knew you could ride horses, erm, I mean hippogriffs and would use that." K.A.Z added from the background. "I didn't expect you to bite poor Petunia to give her vampire powers, though. Or was it because you were so much in need of real blood instead of a blood bottle?" Gackt's eyes narrowed dangerously and he wiped Hyde's arm away from his shoulders as if it was something dirty. "Friends..." he hissed. "Friends f*ckin' don't...

Barf in your face, kick you in the balls and then say Welcome to the ~Par-Tea!~ ( just had to.) GRRRRRRRRR....." Gackt gathered his shredded dignity, took one step, whirled around and yelled "Who the F*ckin" HELL names a Hippogriff PETUNIA, for love of...errrrr..GACKT!??"
Poor Gakuto was so worked up, steam was rising from the vicinity of......